cold desert
by dixonvixen
Summary: kind of slashy daryl/glenn fic. very short, glenn's pov, rated for language. yeah.


**author's note: i'm not a big fan of daryl/glenn and then again i believed it had a potential to be there, as well. just read and you'll understand. it's really all that glenn is thinking about. not too big of a story – kind of just a short mini-rant-like thing of his. enjoy.**

I hadn't expected his abrupt movements to draw closer to me in such a way that my heart in all probability forgot to stop beating. His eyes were laid upon, or more… inside mine own. As if he was interrogating me, to try and pry from my cold, endless and passionate feelings the truth behind my stinging and watering eyes. "Why the hell are you crying?" He'd asked in a mocking tone, to seem as if he could care less for my feelings; but those feelings he had for me were burning and wrenching deep down to the pit of his gut. We both knew it and he didn't want to admit it even though my hands on multiple occasions reached out for his tender and ever affectionate contact. I wanted him on me and every inch of his warmth circulating with mine as we intertwined our limbs in a heat of passion that wouldn't be elapsed the next morning. I'd take my hand and wipe the forming tears away from my ducts, looking away in a fit of shame, anger, heartache, desperation, despondence, irritation and devotion all tied up in one imaginative, fragile, paper envelope that would seal itself behind my quivering lips.

"It's nothing," I lied, making up the generic and more or less obvious defense you hear in books, television; those seven fucking words: "I just have something in my eye." He knew very well why I was crying and the remorse carved its own etchings upon his face, leaving creases in places that he wish he'd hadn't been forced to keep. His eyes would draw blanks as he stared at me with a calming demeanor, despite it not spilling the truth behind that face of such a shameful exterior. I love him, that much is so, or at least I think I do and the more and more I think about it, the more and more I feel like I strive to be with him. At times I don't think he needs me and partially, that's true.

Without me, he wouldn't have noticed my advances.

Without me, we wouldn't have kissed clandestinely and ever so quickly behind a single tree.

Without me, there would be… there would be… Jesus, look at me.

Look at the way I'm behaving around you when I should be worrying about much more significant things such as protecting the camp and the people I've grown to know in it. Breaking my own heart isn't going to keep me attentive and prepared for the geeks and sometimes I wish that I was being mercilessly torn apart by one. Seeing you every single fucking day just rips me open at the chest, inch by inch, centimeter by ever glorious fucking centimeter.

"Why do you do this to me?" I'd scream at him in a final act of fortitude, growing weaker with my fists clenching tighter and my knuckles changing white. They shook with built up emotions and I dared to hit him as hard as could in the arm. I know very well that I'm weak and sometimes I wish I could just beat his ass into the ground. Why was it so difficult for him to tell me his fucking feelings towards me? My eyes had avoided any gazes at him after hitting him the way I did, I felt a pang of shame for putting this on him so suddenly. I'm just expecting a bouquet of red roses from a dead, grain field. Is he even trying to make us work? Or is he not wanting to have anything to do with this at all? Tell me what you're feeling, you asshole! Why can't you tell me and why do you keep inching closer to me? I'm cold, despite your heated skin that provokes mine own and I just want to take you now.

"What am I doing to you, Glenn?" His voice was rough, full of malice with a tinge of mortification. His face contorted into dismay, his hands hesitating to touch me as his chest heaved quickly and his face grew red. His feelings were so tousled together and it was the most devastating thing I've seen since the end of humanity. I refused to answer the question, changing the subject ever so lightly and looking up into his distant irises, "What are you feeling…?" I whispered, my hand touching his bicep as he contracted it away quicker than flies. He looked down, wiping his mouth out of heated aggression and habit. I reached for his arm again—.

"Stop it!" His voice echoed throughout the depth of the woods, my body froze. "Please, stop… Glenn, just stop! Leave me alone. I'm not going to be… your thing. 'Er whatever the hell you want. You're just lonely, that's all. You're only tryin' to use me for that company and I don't want any o' that, y' hear me? Last week… last week was just a kiss. A _small_ kiss! Just to see what would happen, if we'd felt anything. Don't kid yourself, kid, you're not that into me like you think… I didn't feel anythin' and regardless, I don't need someone. I've never needed that."

His voice's echo trailed off into the woods for absent ears to hear. I knew for a very fact he was scared, that he didn't admire people the way everyone else did – he was afraid of rejection and hurt and the only way to avoid it was to be the way he is now. Bottled up, angry, whatever it took for him to get away from social and romantic interaction. I suppose… I would concur with the fact that I was lonely and taking any means to have anyone's love and affection. My arms dropped, I questioned myself, wondering why he'd inched so close to me. Why was he so… hesitant on touching me? Was he thinking of the consequences of falling for someone else? Did he feel like he would be trapped in a game just to end up losing in a matter of minutes? Whatever his reasoning was, I would never be able to change his mind. I respected him as much as I would respect anyone else back in camp.

And yet, regardless of what he said, I knew he was lying. He wanted me as much as I wanted him and even if it wasn't to work out with us, I know that'd we'd always have that one kiss to share. My eyes traced every contour of his face, his body and his movements. His knees would quaver for only a moment as I memorized every feature of this man. This wasn't the last time we'd see each other, but it would be the last time I'd see him with such a disposition that would make me become more understanding of what kind of person he truly is. I was getting closer to him, but not in a way that I'd hoped.

"One day, I'll find a way for you to open up to me. I'll do whatever it takes and you better remember that."

His face never changed, he stood emotionless with his eyes pointing down on me. I received a nod and then he began to walk away. A sigh escaped the back of my throat, as I allowed a few tears hit the forest's floor. I was such a pussy and an idiot to think that another man could love me that way. I don't know what I'm doing in this fucked up world and I don't think I ever will.

The crunching of the leaves stopped as I listened to another deafening silence.

"Hey, Glenn…"

My head rotated around to face him standing before me once more, his face anxious now and his hand beginning to move oddly. His eyes marveled at mine as his hands made an awkward grab for my shoulders, and then he kissed me softly on the lips for only a brief moment.

"I'm sorry it couldn't work out this way…" He whispered as I nodded in understanding.

I then watched Daryl make his way back to camp with my face reddening, my eyes drying, my stomach fluttering.

And my lips burning.


End file.
